No one wants to hear about my life right now, so really you don't need to read this, I'm just going to write it out because there's nothing else I can do.

There are things I want to say, things that shouldn't be said for fear of ruining something important to me. A day gone by without laughter is a day wasted... so I laugh... but not full force. So I talk in riddles and yet few can penetrate the text enough to see what lies between the lines. I am as lost as a puppy starving on the streets of NY City. I can't make it on my own and though people say they can help... say they want to help and offer all they have. I can't accept such charity. I don't know why, but all of a sudden I feel as though I can't open up to anyone. How truely sad is that? To know there are people who care enough about you to offer anything they can to help and yet you deny them because you can't come to say a single thing that bothers you. Maybe I'm just losing a piece of myself... what piece that is exactly, I'm not sure. All I know is this is now starting to affect my health metally and physically.

I went to the doctor on Tuesday after I was sent home by the school nurse on Monday for looking rather "lathargic". Even the doctor said I looked really run down and tired. I probably should have told him about the sleeping disorder I've seemed to develop over the past couple of months, but I just couldn't. Every night I wake up once or twice crying... whether it's because of a dream I shouldn't have dreamt, or a nightmare I'm trying to escape... or even just waking up without a dream at all. I don't understand how this can be happening to me right now or even why! These dreams I see feel so real and so right, even the nightmares makes sense to me and all I gather from it is a box of tissues.

Then the morning arrives and I can barely heave myself out of bed and I walk around the school like a zombie. There will be no end to this I fear until something happens. That something is confidential and under lock and key at the moment and the power to unlock it rests in the hands of a single person who, regrettably, has no idea they even possess such power.

Ugh and then there's just my homelife stuff that's going on. If the Bank can refinance the house for my family we can stay here AND (oh here's the kicker) my mom can pay me back the one-thousand dollars she owes me, I get to FINALLY take Driver's Ed classes, AND AND AND I get my very own car with a custom paint job. Oh, but get this... BECAUSE all this wonderful stuff is on the line, with my luck, the bank will decide to be bitchy and just screw us over and say "Nope, pay up or get out in 30 days." For real? Yeah. My luck is that bad.

And you know what? I feel kind of bad because I'm turning 16 next month and my mom is throwing me this huge ass party. Which is really sweet and nice and I should be happy because this is a good thing, right? Wrong. My mom started paying for this party a year ago, when my dad still had his job and he was paying child support regularly. A month later he lost his job and the child support stopped coming. My mom had saved up a ton of money for my party and pre-paid for just about everything with te knowledge that there would be no refunds. I feel bad because she's throwing this party for me and its SO expensive and I just keep wondering if we had waited a month longer than we did, would we have that little bit of extra money to keep us out of this financial hole? I don't know... but it really bothers me a lot.

Hm... what else should I add? Hm... how about some happy things so nobody thinks I constantly LOOK for things to mope around about lol:

Naruto Shippuuden Baby!! FINALLY aired in the dub version on cable last week. I can't stad subs because I always seem too focused on the words and then I miss what's going on with the animation... so even though dub voices and acting is usually pretty bad, I still watch it, and I'm excited because it's on tonight at 8:30 on Disney XD (which USED to be toon disney or, I think they were also Jetix for awhile) (I know, it's shameful to see precious anime on Disney... that's a real disgrace to everything anime represents)

InuYasha: The Final Act!!! W00t!! I can't wait for the day when it finally comes out in dub format, but for now I'm watching it with subs and I'm sooo loving it. It's so close to the manga, so I'm thrilled.

Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood!!! lovelovelove!! Amazing amazing, my buddy Lisa got me hooked on FMA and I decided to watch this "brotherhood" thing she was going on about. Low and behold it's almost identical to the manga. So much better than the original FMA anime.

Tramps Like Us... ahhh, my newest manga addiction. So adorable I love it so much... but it's definitely a girl's manga.

Oh an then something happened today that ade me really really happy. Unfortunately (though I wish it would) this doesn't happen everyday (even though it probably could, which frustrates me further) but anyway. I was so happy that after I collected my homework from the office, I came back up the staircase clicking my heels together ad jumping up and down and dancing... and then I dropped my homework and it scattered all over the stairwell and I had to go collect it -_-' lol XD

And my apptitude for artistry has returned. Which is a good thing, so I might be posting some more things on DA. YaY! lol.

For now, I think that's it. I really hope you didn't force yourselves to read this whole thing because most of it is really depressing and boring. If you DID I'm in utter awe and amazement and your thoughts/opinions are welcome (since I obviously have no sense of direction in my life). anyway, thanks for rooting for me people. I'll be in touch.

~*♥*~Meg~*♥*~